analyzing those famous words you spoke [entries|friends|calendar] nicole_elyse [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

:D [March 12th, 2007 @ 4:19am] Ahh, I'm so fucking happy to be with Tyler now. He is the cutest, sweetest& most amazing boy ever. He seriously is the cutest boy I have ever seen, I've always thought people with brown hair& blue eyes are the most gorgeous people in the world ahh and Tyler is soo cute oh my. And he's not really immature like other freshman boys :) If I waited another day our anniversary could be on the same day as Katie& JJ's but ehh oh well. I can already tell taht we're perfect for each other. I'm giving up soo much to be with him, like hooking up with other guys and actually being single while I'm slowly getting ungrounded but he's convinced me to be with him, I don't know what it is about him but I just am willing to give it all up for him. Right now, my parents are meeting with my councelor, I don't know how it's gonna go but I don't know my councelor wanted to have a session with them to basically see where they are with me, I just know she's gonna talk to them about what they can do to help me have a healthier lifestyle& everything I guess but there isn't really anything anyone can do, not even me.  And I know she thinks that they're really hard on me and unfair with their punishing me so hopefully that'll work in my benefit. I just really don't want them coming home and wanting to talk to me about dumb shit that is basically the same thing they randomly make me talk about like every fucking month.

Life [February 23rd, 2007 @ 9:59pm] I'm so sick of people just not appreciating the beauty of life. Whatever, it's their loss I suppose. I feel so alone. I don't know what I want. Sometimes I just want a fuck& other times I actually want a boyfriend. I hate it, I always fall for the guys that have no desire to be with me& then boys that I have a good connection with fall for me, but I'm never real attracted to them or we've already become too close of friends. I want a boy that.. I can tell everything to, good& bad. wants to fall in love with me. will treat me how I should be. let me spoil him& love him with every inch of my body. I can get fucked up with. I can fall asleep with. calls me gorgeous instead of beautiful. will text me until I fall asleep every night. will be competely& 100% faithful to me. has no doubts about us. will be my bestfriend. can just chill& relax. can open up to me, so I can open up to him, as well. attempts to understand me. gives me huge warm hugs. is okay with the way I am& doesn't expect me to change. I can jump on. will take me to the beach to watch the sunset. won't make fun of me during a seirous conversation. can stop my shaking body. will wrestle with me. loves me in every single way possible. I want someone that I don't run away from. I want someone that shows me that we're ment to be together.

[February 16th, 2007 @ 3:38pm] I'm fucking single. Fuck you, you fucking asshole. All you do is fucking cry for no reason. I enjoy being the girl in the relationship but I felt like the fucking guy. You annoyed the shit out of me. And you're a little bipolar bitch, that's why I don't want to be with you dumbass. I'm alot better off& truely you are too. You deserve some girl that is exactly like you& I used to be but I'm not anymore. I might be a bitch for all this, but it feels better standing up for myself than feel bad about myself.

Hmpf. [January 25th, 2007 @ 10:29pm] [ mood | Upset. ] forgI hate how people still judge me even when they don't even know me. I'm not a fucking whore, so shut the fuck up! I've never been one, god damnit. Stop fucking judging me, I'm so sick of it, you don't understand what it does to me. And I'm so fucking upset& worked up all because of those little comments, I'm not a bad person so please don't make me feel like one :( when the phone lines are tied up i have no where to turn to. the busy signal barely mimics my own heartbeat. i'm desperately searching for someone, somewhere, anything to escape to. anything that cares to battle against the well known fact that i am all alone and will do just fine.

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